Spiffy Christmas Presents

I feel very official now, with my grandpa's old medical bag and my brand new Litmann Cardiology III.

Half the fun of anatomy....

is learning how it all correlates to your family's injuries.

I'm still THAT girl....

I had to laugh a bit today.

Not that I'm complaining, but I'm once again "the artsy scientist".

See, when I was in undergrad, I was a pre-med Human Biology major who also enjoyed theatre and costuming. My science friends didn't always understand art, and my artsy/theatre friends didn't always understand science. It put me a rather unique, and sometimes lonely, situation. I never felt like I really belonged in either group. I was sometimes treated like a pet, or a project, or "Oooh, look at what SHE can do!", but I was always too dramatic for the scientists, and too logical for the artists.

(That's not to say I didn't find very good friends who were also like me, at least in some aspects. You know who you are and I love all of you!)

I have to laugh, because even though medical school was supposed to be my fresh start, I am STILL that person. I am the artsy med student.

I had my last clinical skills small group session on Monday, and my preceptor, who is very much a "man's man" and somewhat stereotypical trauma surgeon, gave me a rather interesting compliment. "You're definitely not the traditional medical student. You need to embrace that."

Then we had a student council meeting and were talking about medical school personality types, and how traditionally most student council members are very organization, linear A-types..."except now then an artsy fartsy student sneaks in". I sort of shrugged and then everyone started laughing because, hey, I'm apparently that student.

Shortly after though, everyone was complimenting me on my Teslacon costumes and wanting to know how I did it, and what should be we plan for Med Ball, and WE SHOULD TOTALLY GO ALL OUT SO WE CAN ALL WEAR COSTUMES.

The difference from undergrad is, my difference is regarded as a strength. The difference is, the other artsy medical students are easy to identify. The difference is, I feel like I belong.

Almost!

Sorry that I haven't been really communicative on this blog the past few...months. Medical school has been really, really insane. So, some quick updates:

I am 9 days away from completing my first semester of medical school. It's been kind of crazy looking back at all the notes I've taken over the semester because even though I have learned A LOT, I still don't feel like I know anything.

What I can do: CPR. Ask you about your feelings and how your medical condition is affecting your life. Pretend to listen to things with my stethoscope. Look professional in my white coat. Diagnosis shingles (and that was mainly by accident).

Oh yeah! I bought all of my medical equipment! I now have a super cool stethoscope and diagnostic set, plus a bunch of other goodies I really haven't gotten to play with yet. I'll actually learn how to use them next semester.

I was elected to student council!

I was also elected to the Surgical Interest Group e-board!

I took a tour of Aeromed.













I rocked out my IPPR art project about the doctor-patient relationship.

I also drank copious amounts of tea.












So there you have it. In 9 days, I will be 1/8th of a doctor. Now I just have to pass all of my finals...wish me luck!

Quote of the Day

Dirty Mnemonics

Here's a little insight into the medical mind: we're all a bunch of perverts.

Why? We have to memorize. A lot. And while a fair number of the names we have to memorize make some logical sense (arginosuccinate synthetase SYNTHESIZES arginosuccinate, extensor digitorum longus is a longer muscle that extends the hand, etc), there are a lot of names floating about that are just plain weird and difficult to remember. Compounding this is the fact that we have to memorize a whole bunch of these at once or in relation to each other. What's a poor, overworked medical student to do?!

We make a mnemonic. We come up with or copy someone else's fun little ditty or phrase that helps us remember the order of wrist bones or cranial nerves or whatever the heck it is we're learning this week. And while there are some tame phrases out there, it's of course WAY more fun to remember the dirty ones.

Want to take a guess at what the following mnemonics stand for?

A) Some lovers try positions that they can't handle.

B) Oh oh oh, to touch and feel very good vibrations; such heaven.

C) Some say marry money, but my brother says big boobs matter most.

D) All prostitutes take money.

E) The really naughty perverted people f(ornicate) caudally anteriorly

Yes, these are all things I've learned at medical school. Some of them even from the professors themselves. Give up?

A) Carpal (wrist) bones (Scaphoid, Lunate, Triquetrum, Pisiform, Trapezium, Trapezoid, Capitate, Hamate)
B) the 12 cranial nerves
C) Also related to cranial nerves: tells whether the nerve carries Sensory, Motor, or Both sensations
D) Cardiac valve sounds (Aortic, Pulmonary, Tricuspid, Mitral)
E) Water soluble vitamins (Thiamine, Riboflavin, Niacin, Pantothenic Acid, Pyridoxine, Folic Acid, Cobalamin, Ascorbic Acid)

So there. I am learning. And technically studying.

Doing Better

When I was in high school and part of the Science Olympiad team, we jokingly used a Barenaked Ladies' song as our team motto: You can always get it right next time. Partially, we all just really liked Barenaked Ladies and tended to listen to their music anyway, but it was also partially comforting to listen to that song on the ride back from a rather lackluster state competition. It didn't matter if we did really well but still fell short of making it on the to next level, or simply failed, because there would always be another competition, and we could always get it right next time.

I feel like I'm going to adapt this message for medical school. Rather than focusing on getting it "right" next time, I want to simply focus on doing BETTER. Not feeling so well after that last physiology exam? Do BETTER. Think maybe that last clinical interview didn't go quite as it should? Do BETTER.

This epiphany came to me in the anatomy lab, after having listened to quite a few people tie their self-esteem to their test scores. Yes, we all want to do well. We all NEED to do well, so we can become knowledgeable physicians and save lives. But while right now there are clear "right" and "wrong" answers (the facial nerve is not the optical nerve is not the occulomotor nerve, and they all have different functions), it will not also be so clear as I progress in my career.

There will be exams I fail or nearly fail after studying as hard I could - I can do better. There will be exams that I ace - I can do better in the sense that if I ready enough to get a perfect score on a test, I am ready to challenge myself in other areas. There will be interviews where I hit all the required targets - I can do better. There will be patients who die for whom I literally couldn't have done any else. I can still do better, whether it was in how much reading I did on their case, or how much time I spent talking to their family.

There's still a lot of pressure for perfection: ace all of the exams, nail the interviews, do all the interest groups and still have time to grab a beer with friends. But what if I was able to do all of that? What then?

So, my resolution is that no matter where I stand, I can and will do better.

(Someone remind me of this when I get done with my second round of exams next week.....)

Do What You Can

So far, I've been failing at my new goals. While I stayed on top of my biochemistry and anatomy lectures, I've fallen miserably behind in physiology. Anatomy lab has been making me feel claustrophobic because there are only a few good bodies for the structures we're trying to locate, and everyone seems to take all the good spots before I show up. My room WAS clean....and then the weekend hit. 

However, I am still trying. I sat down with some friends today and cranked out some physiology lectures. We all relaxed during lunch, and then got through three lab sessions in about two hours. I plan on doing some power cleaning when I get back home today. 

Once again, my biggest, biggest weakness is getting a little far behind, or just missing a goal, and then giving up completely. Or saying "That's too much to get through, I'll just skip it." If I can at least watch one missed lecture a day, or spend 20 minutes in the lab by myself, or re-read one page of biochemistry, or clean one corner of my room, that's something. 

*deep breath*

Start.

Quote of the Day

Exams and Organizing My Life

I passed all of my exams.
I PASSED ALL OF MY EXAMS.

I had a minor freakout where I thought I missed passing biochemistry by one question, but the professors accepted two different answers for one of the problems I originally got wrong, so I passed exactly. Not really where I want to be in the long run (since I had been getting 89% and 95% on the practice exams), but  at least now I have a decent springboard to go off of. I also exactly passed my anatomy lecture exam, but the lab exam is weighted double and I ROCKED the lab practical. Since I aced (that's right, ACED) my physiology exam, this puts me in a fairly decent place.

However, surviving my first round has also shoved my weaknesses front and forward. I've never been very good at time management. I am a horrible procrastinator. I also tend to give up - if my calendar says I'm supposed to study for four hours, and I spend the first hour taking a much needed nap or just talking with  my roommates, I have an unfortunate tendency to give up the entire study session.

So, these are my goals for the next round of exams.

1) Never get more than a day behind with lecture videos. I never got too far behind with them for the first round, but, knowing me, this could potentially be a problem in the future. This gives me a little bit of flexibility in case a professor is slow to the point of annoyance or I just really need to sleep in, but puts a little more responsibility on my end of things.

2) Prelab the NIGHT before, not the day of. This hasn't been a problem with histology, since we have LON-CAPA questions due long before lab, but I tend to put anatomy off until the lunch right before lab, and my pre-lab quiz scores show.

3) For biochem, rewrite everything. I tend to memorize things a lot better when I rewrite them, and since this section is all about glycolysis, memorization is key.

4) Keep my life better organized. Confession: I've never been a neat person. I probably never will be. But there are some things I can do to make my life easier. I've been doing VERY well with laundry and dishes, because I thought out a personal system that is both easy and efficient. I need to do the same for my desk. My desk is currently buried under non-school items, so when I go to study at home I normally end up in my bed. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, since I naturally migrate from one spot to the other to keep both blood and brain juice flowing, but when I sit in bed all day because my desk isn't an option, my productivity dwindles.

There will be probably be new goals after the 2nd round of exams (eating healthier and not driving to class because I want to sleep 10 more minutes come to mind), but I think these are the biggies that will decrease my overall stress levels and make medical school life much more enjoyable.

And really, why am I doing all of this if it's not enjoyable?! :)

Post Exam Reflections

Just had my first real exam of medical school in Physiology (my first tests in Anatomy and Biochemistry were more like quizzes). I think I did pretty good, so I'm celebrating by sitting outside with an iced chai latte, listening to morning traffic.

I think I'm still a little bit more of a country girl at heart, but I really do love living in this city. Grand Rapids always has something going on, but never feels overwhelming. The medical campus feels like home. It wakes up slowly - on all of my bike rides, I never have trouble finding a quiet street. And I don't think I'll ever get tired of the view from any of the Secchia Center windows.

Solace

I'm beginning to feel the roller coaster effect of medical school. I'll be flying high and feeling amazing one minute, and then drowning in an existential crisis the next. Okay, maybe not that dramatic, but my overall mood has been all over the place the last few days. 

However, the one place I feel really great? Anatomy lab. In class, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. Biochemistry has almost made me cry, again. Anatomy class is very scattered and fast paced, and physiology is confusingly arranged. However, in Anatomy lab, I feel like I actually know what I'm doing. I remember information from both undergrad and that morning's class, and can participate in a highly functional dialogue between my classmates. When I have questions, I know enough to still sound smart. When others have questions, I'm usually able to answer them. 

Another solace? My new tea kettle. I can't wait for fall weather to get here, because you can be sure there will be days I'll live-stream classes at home so I can sit in my PJ's and enjoy the coziness. 

Word of the Day: Sticktoitiveness

(It should be noted that I'm wearing surgical gloves as I type this...teehee!)

Today's word of the day is brought to you by Dr. Basson, our guest lecturer this morning for the surgical interest group. He was describing how we could best prepare ourselves to match in a surgical residency, that we needed a lot of gumption and stick-to-it-iveness. Also honors surgical grades, a decent USMLE score, AOA membership, and letters of recommendation from clinicians who have actually worked with us.

A few of my classmates thought he was being rather pessimistic, but I thought it was a healthy, realistic approach. The first step to getting the residency you want is getting the interview, and he said that one one really cares if you're a wonderful person at that point. They want to know if you have the guns to stick it through. They want to know if you can handle a rigorous course load and come out somewhat on top. They want to know if you can be a leader among your peers and work well enough with real doctors that they also think you can handle it. It was also nice to hear this so early in the year, as it will be a constant reminder of why I'm doing what I do every day. I need to do well in biochemistry so I can do well on the USMLE so I can get the residency I want so I can be the type of doctor I want to be, surgical or otherwise.

Tomorrow is my first anatomy lab. I'm pretty geeked. We had a tour of it yesterday, and it reminded me a lot of the Body Worlds exhibits I've been to, except you get to touch them.

Back to studying!

When did this happen?!

Apparently I'm an adult now. While I did not go to bed on time, I woke up EARLY, packed a healthy and nutritious lunch, got to class EARLY, and have my assignments already done for the week. Thank goodness for my magic calendar!!!!

....I'm going to go right out and say this is the calm before the storm.

But really, things are going well so far. Ironically, I enjoy our biochemistry professor the most, even though it's typically been one of my most dreaded subjects. Maybe third time's the charm? (Or maybe having a professor who actually enjoys TEACHING instead of just doing his own research makes the difference...who would have thunk?)

White Coat Ceremony

Today was my official white coat ceremony. It's a seemingly silly thing, walking across the stage with coat draped on hand, only to hand it to someone else to have them awkwardly assist you putting it on, but it was actually very rewarding. Each hand I shook was a promise to help, each clap and cheer from my family was an affirmation that I am on the right path. Even more rewarding was seeing my fellow classmates walk across the stage and receive their white jackets. From house right, we were civilians. We could have been at any sort of formal event. But the minute we strode over to the center of the stage, you realized: we are becoming DOCTORS. After I attached my Humanism in Medicine and Michigan State Medical Society pins to my lapel, I realized that I am no longer just me. I am my family, and my classmates, and my school, and the medical community at large. I am a part of something so much bigger than I think I ever realized, and I cannot wait to begin.

Orientation in Summary

1) We're the touchy-feely medical school. Be proud of it. Give hugs. Share notes.
2) Ask for help.
3) Don't spend more money than you have to.
4) Ask for help.
5) Professionalism has many facets, like respecting different cultures and not wearing slutty skirts.
6) There are many resources to help you through medical school if you ask for them.
7) Free food and pens are not to be taken lightly.
8) Sleep when you can, eat when you can, study when you can.
9) Don't be a jerk.
10) Ask for help.

The First Day (of the rest of my life)

I am in the right place.

I have had so much confusion, and doubt, and depression during the past year that I was despairing ever finding "my place". Not only have I found my place, I have found my people.

My orientation group, Team Betadine bonded at lunch over our mutual love of Qdoba, and how Rapunzel from Tangled is the best latest Disney princess because "she's kind of like a doctor...I mean, she heals people, right?" A guy in my group noticed my necklace from Brazil, and we've already made plans to get CHM to send us to Brazil for charity work...during the World Cup. A quick meeting with our counseling staff revealed how many of us have dealt with fear, depression, and stress, and how many people have a shared love of music, sports, and animals. Every hand I shook introduced me to a new colleague, one that I believe will have my back for the next four years.

(There's also nothing like racing up and down six flights of stairs multiple times to try to piece together an inflatable skeleton and laughing to the point of collapse to really cement the bond.)

I received my white coat today. While the official ceremony isn't until next week, I had literal chills when I put it on.

This is me.
This is my life.
I am going to be a doctor.
I am in the right place.