FINALLY.
FINALLY had my *last* exam this morning. What was supposed to be a two week break turned into about a half week because of this stupid neurology exam.
Long story short, I missed the real final, my makeup got delayed for a full week, I had a sort of panic attack the night before and walked into the exam in a sort of calm-deluded-denial state and consequently mixed up some very, very basic things on the exam and failed. This led to the remediation exam this morning, which I think (and I pray) I did well on, so I am FINALLY on break.
I am tired. This semester was a drain on me in more than a few ways. The good news is, summer is looking great, and I'm in the process of finding a new, closer therapist so I can take care of some lingering PTSD and depression issues.
CHM is big on mental health and mental wellbeing, but it's one thing to say you're going to take care of yourself and another thing when you've got 3 exams and you haven't looked at the material in weeks and you didn't do well on the practice exam so instead of seeking out help you lie in a pathetic heap in your unmade bed because you don't even have the motivation to tuck some sheets down in the corners or eat a proper meal besides yogurt and garlic bread and you're grinding your teeth because you can't find your bite splint so you wake up with a headache no matter how much or little you sleep, and the pills only work if you have some caffeine, which keeps you up late and makes your sleep even worse.
"Physician, heal thyself" is not always an easy thing. Luckily, I've got some good friends and coworkers who are (lovingly) on my case about getting what I need, even if what I need is just a simple bonfire and some drinks.
And I am really excited about this summer. Besides going to NYC and (theoretically) having an easier/more interesting class load, I am going to be piloting an Art and the Physician program. Basically, I'll be looking into ways that studying and making art can make someone a better doctor. I have some fun ideas up my sleeve, and I also plan on entering Artprize this year.
BUT, in the meantime, I have a few precious, guilt-free days off, so I planning on visiting some friends up north, drinking some wine, dressing up the Great Gatsby premiere, and catching up on some much needed rest.
